#You don’t really know about my family.

 

Why is it such a big deal? You might wondering. Yourself or your friend might have left abroad. It was not a thing, even ending up at the other half of the world. So why making so much noise for heading to a country three hours from home, where I already have friends and family and know a bit of the language?

I grew up in a more or less conservative family.  I am the youngest out of three kids. My brother is 10 years older than me and my sister 7 years older. I was a quite waited baby and turned out to be overprotected ever since. Because of our beliefs, culture and mostly our education we are all quite close. Way too much. There is no day without calling my sister or chatting with my brother. No week without seeing my niece and nephews.  And not a weekend without eating at the same table with them all.

My mom and I have that very intrusive relationship. We don’t know about tabous, we don’t have any secrets, we rely a lot on a each other. Sometimes it is overwhelming not having boundary. My sister is my second mom, she changed me, fed me, comfort me every time it was needed. She spoiled me when it was not rational and defend me even if I was wrong. She takes a good care of me. Even when she got her own kids, I remained to her the eldest.  

My dad is the one who knew I was different first I guess. By different I mean a dreamer, a creative, a traveler. He understands that I have that deep need to go around, see by myself, no matter what. Some fathers expect their girls to have a stable situation, have a good marriage, educate their kids well at the youngest age. Mine asks me to live and love. My brother is my mentor. Engineer from a prestigious school, he made it all right, However, we tend to have very different paths. As he never had the opportunity to travel or socialize ( Face it bro!), he encourages me to be bolder.

Bolder than him, and bolder than a girl should be in our community minds. I proceed behind their backs, without telling them about the evolution of the project. And when it was official, I dropped the bomb.

I let you imagine what was their reaction when I told them I was leaving for the next semester. I was talking about moving for such long time that they didn’t trust me first, didn’t realized that this time was happening.

My sister and my mom where mad and sad at the time. They didn’t understand why. What I was running away from? Didn’t they gave me everything? Where they such a bad company? Why didn’t I love them as much as they do? Didn’t have enough freedom? What did they have to change to make me stay?

My boys stood for me, they understood that I was not running away from home but running after some experience. 21 was the good time. Everything was thought and set. I was not throwing myself in the complete unknown, or a risky situation. They were proud and supportive, everything I needed to hear after all of those demanding months of application and wait.

It is a small adventure for a lot, but the greatest one for me. As mature as I can be, this felt like the first step to a new life, and somehow hard life. I was challenging myself for real.

 

Be free and grateful,
Truly yours,
149” Because you care.

 

 

 

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#11 I don’t really know where I will go

I obviously met tons of people in Israel doing amazing things. And somehow they could all possibly help me out to find a frame for my investigation.

However I had one condition to respect: do what I like. Once again, this year was mine, doing things that I enjoy and help me to grow. I was looking for something interesting and inspiring, something challenging, something far from what I was I used to.

A welcoming environment where I’ll feel free wondering around, a charming place with smart people. And the more I was thinking about it, the more it got obvious. I knew that one person living of passion and learning. I knew that very specific men that was giving and caring, invested in the youth community coming up in Israel. He was someone wise, and as thoughtful as spontaneous.

He was one of those person you’re setting yourself as a role model, at least he was one of mines. And yet the best teacher I’ve ever had. My endless admiration was clear and he was the one that could genuinely help me out.  In charge of a program for foreign students, he had the frame I was looking for.

Request and Application: Sent

Admire and Learn,
Truly Yours,
149” because you care.

#10 I don’t really know if I am reading it correctly.

Maybe I was wrong, and they are actually funding me.

Holy Molly!! It’s a yes. It’s a positive answer! They are helping me out to finance the project. This is such a good news! My university is the best, even though it took five months to get the answer.

Honestly I was getting nervous about what should I do on the next the semester. My desire to go abroad was deeply anchored and stronger than ever, maybe because of all those escapades for the past two months. I was looking for a way to fund myself but it was hard to combine a job and find time to properly do my research.

Receiving the scholarship notification was a real relief. It was one step ahead. However even if my file was approved by the board, one document was missing: the letter of invitation. Basically if you are going abroad for a field investigation, whether you’re financed or not, you have to take part in a frame and set a kind of contract that will affirm that you will be welcomed and take in charge.  

One more time, I faced research/application phase . Where could I possibly go to investigate and write the way I wanted for 6 months and in the meantime learn and accomplish?

Project: validated
Funding: approved
Welcoming frame: unknown

Love and apply,
Truly Yours,
149″ because you care.

#9 “ – I don’t really know if I can do it.

– Maybe its because you can have it all but not at the same time.”

I am so lucky to have such wise friends. She was all the way down right. I had to pick my battles.

I was crawling under a dozen of papers to turn back, and I was so unfamiliar with the instructions. The ones I already sent got indecent grades. My moral was six feet under. The icing on the cake: I was heading to a new trip in Israel, to help me with my search and enhance my network there, just in case I could leave for my field investigation. Unfortunately that kind of journey allows no sleep and no free time and turned my chance to work on my papers down to the negative.

Those 10 days in Israel are thoroughly organized and don’t even let you breath. On the other hand you visit, and learn so much in a such short amount of time that it’s worth it.

Anyway this is how I screwed my first and gave up on some seminaries. It turned out that I also lived the most life changing experience of my existence until now.

 

Choose and believe,
Truly Yours,
149” because you care.

#8 I don’t really know why I don’t have my courses yet?

Maybe I should entertain myself meanwhile.

I am begging you all to admit it, french administration is so slow! My online classes took way too long to be reachable. And I am quite a hyperactive person so I had to occupied myself.

I got new pupils to teach, signed up to driving school, red a lot and did unpredicted stuffs.

By stuffs I mean travels. Surfing on the entrepreneurship and innovation wave, I was able to find specific travels with that focus. I am also part of a very generous society that makes those travels quite affordable for students like me.  

This is how I ended up in Brazil and in the US. It was like a dream. Seriously, we were in each trip about 2000 students from 26 different nationalities. This is what I am living for, meeting new people, learning about their culture, language, see our differences, and our common features.

Anyway I lived some magic for about three weeks and when I was safely flying back home, I received all my classes and tons of homework to do in a super short period of time.

 

Travel and See,
Truly Yours,
149” because you care.

#7 I don’t really know if I am eligible

Maybe I should try anyway.

I know, as I was in some boards at university, that every single student can apply for a scholarship for a project. Each university has its own fund for its students. So if someone says there is nothing for you to get on, snoop around you will find a special fund.

However these types of application take a long time to get through. And you have just a couple of days to send it.  They ask for resume, cover letter, project description, budget plan… I am so bad at writing to be honest, it took me so many hours to get my cover letter right. I was afraid it was inconsistent, not deep enough, not precise enough. Moreover, I am in an pretty economic section, and my university tends to pay for artistic projects so I was definitely sending it expecting a rejection once again.  

Besides, I already have a scholarship, as I said “my parents are not rolling on money”, the optimistic translation of “we are in a shitty situation”. Regarding the “law”, I was able to combine both, but from my past experience in that specific board, I remember they were allowing money to the one that were somehow able to complete if it was not enough to survive (and it is never enough, face it).

Application: Send

Love and Pray,
Truly yours,

149 because you care.

#6 “ – I don’t really know if I can stay, Sir.

 

– Maybe you should do a field investigation Miss”

I said to myself “ HELL YEAAHHHHH”. It was so obvious, it was so doable. No constraint to keep me up here. I followed my courses on internet enhance no attendance to class. I mean I still had my three pupils to tutor every night but… you know it’s been four years and we’ve all been a bit fed up of each other I guess.

I was lucky enough to have tons of contacts in Israel, happy to help me out, support me, welcome me, and share their network. I think it was the easiest part: not feeling alone. I also knew the country pretty well now, how to go around there, speak a bit of Hebrew too. I was able to survive.

But it was quite optimistic to think I could just leave in snap. In Paris, I am living with my parents, no rent , no food to pay for, no transports fees ( I’m addicted to walk and I usually do everything in the same area so…). Strikingly the huge barrier was the funding.  Unfortunately my parents are not rolling on money and I had to find a way to care for myself.  Note to everyone (and a quick reminder for me): Israel is not cheap, AT ALL.

Project validation: check
Money to survive: processing

 

Work and earn,
Truly yours,
149” because you care.